True Self-Care: Nourishment From The Inside Out

True self-care is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from. True self-care is not consumer self-care (i.e. going for a pedicure, manicure or a massage). The subtle difference in how we view this type of activity – ‘pleasure vs. escape’ provides insight on our perception of self-care.

True self-care is shifting your focus towards those things that will nourish and sustain you from the inside out, it is living in a way that is right for you, (different to how most other people live), so you can feel alive, fulfilled and connected to what is truly important to you.

If you consider self-care as selfish or indulgent because you equate self-care with treating yourself, you are probably disconnected from actual self-care, which involves mindfully making decisions and choices every day that will positively impact your long-term wellness.

It is no longer wearing busyness as a badge of honour and justification for self-sabotage (over-eating / drinking / procrastination / digital distraction).

It is learning how to stop trying to ‘fix yourself” by the sole means of consumer self-care intervention and start trying to “take care of yourself”.

Much like a parent has to choose to make good decisions for the health and well-being of their child.

I have discovered along the way that our greatest contributions are not found in our strengths, performance, eloquence or confidence. They are found in our brokenness. The former is trying to find a cure to fix one’s brokenness, the latter is a preventative measure to lovingly nurture our brokenness that we are trying to fix in the first place.

For example, women tend to get anxiety comparing themselves to their friends, peers or women they admire and as women we are inundated and saturated with mass media perpetuating this illusive myth of feminine perfection.

For some, this sets up a fear inducing “never enough” internal monologue that is often unattainable, unsustainable and unfulfilling.

Women struggle with allowing themselves to be who they are, to be regular.

For example, my earliest and first work experience was as a hairdresser. I was blessed with working in top salons and freelancing at fashion shows. I worked with culturally diverse clients of all ages and walks of life. As an image maker, my relationship with my clients was based on satisfying their self-image aspirations. Beyond the skills required to cut, colour and style hair, mastery requires taking into consideration my client’s objectives, lifestyle and physical characteristics and then managing their expectations.

The trust in our relationship is based on these factors and develops over time. Clients share very personal, detailed and highly confidential information, it’s more like a confessional at first, but when the relationship ‘clicks’ it turns into a friendship. Clients then feel safe to drop the mask of mum, carer, sister, wife, daughter or friend from yoga and just be themselves, or at least who they are not. That leads to an investment in their own emotions. They are so relaxed and in a ‘good place’ that they drift off – especially those whose work is busy and demanding. It’s sometimes the only chance they get to unwind and sometimes being in the chair is the very short time they get to be themselves, who they really are.

Actual self-care is about letting go. Choosing you. It’s choosing courage over comfort and ripping off the band-aid and facing your failures, disappointments and struggles head on whilst deciding on a new approach or strategies for how to live your life on your terms.

It’s not about a short-term fix or immediate gratification, (although the benefits of actual self-care can be seen and felt almost immediately in terms of your peace of mind).

For those who regularly compare themselves to others, suffer mental anguish because they feel they are not “good enough” and find themselves relentlessly striving to keep up; actual self-care is about deciding how much of your mental anguish is as a result of you not realising your latent potential and how much comes from the way you are conditioned to think about how you perceive your circumstances. Because you have to change how you see the world, to change your world.

True self-care is about becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. It means honouring your truth and becoming the hero of your life.

It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good.

It means slowly rewiring that inbuilt programming and conditioning until your everyday life resembles the life you want to live.

Certainty usurped by curiosity; surety by seeking; thought by feeling. Enjoying the beauty of becoming. Knowing when nothing is certain, everything is possible.

For me, this quote below really sums up true self-care -

“Fall in love with taking care of yourself.

Fall in love with the path of deep healing.

Fall in love with becoming the best version of yourself but with patience, with compassion and respect to your own journey”

- Sylvester McNutt

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If you would like to craft a personalised self-care plan that works for you, find me at charmaine@selfcareforthecarer.com

For more regular updates, tips and insights on self-care and more, follow me on Facebook and Instagram @selfcareforthecarer.au or connect with me on LinkedIn.